Oh What a Life!

The Family - A witness for Christ

2011-01-18T05:55:00.002+08:00

I was drawn by the sermon on Sun. I guess I came to the realisation that my family - of 5 kids, is our way of bearing witness to Christ. We are not strong catholics, and we have certainly not contributed much to various ministries. But God had given us gifts, and if we can bring them up well despite the challenges, I think we would have shown what God has done and what we can be grateful.

Indeed the start of the year has not been smooth. We had a spate of flu virus attacks, starting with Claire, Nigel, then me, Dar's mom, Chloe, Nat and the maid. It was certainly no joke, as dar herself said that she cant fall sick. Made me realise though when I stood in the family...when dar's mom falls, the main support strutcture falls, in terms of running the admin household chores. But Dar is around to take it up, and she can, in spite of running the kids schedule. Me? I can transport some of them for classes, but suck in monitoring their school work or much less household chores.

Claire also started on a bad footing - she has been terrorised by her form teacher, who also happens to be her Prefect mistress, when she is in the prefects Exco. So much so that for the first time, she has cried and said she doesnt want to go to school. We are really concerned. But slowly trying to show her she can deal with it. If she really cant, we would definately have to speak to the "T-Rex".

Fortunately, there is a silver lining. We are reading Nat better in his feeding patterns at night. That's why I am up and blogging, after feeding his second feed. But the surprise package must be Chloe. She is now the class monitress...wow. She is really over the moon. The way she gloats at dinner, and like dar says, she is really "high". ha ha. Certainly, hope things stay high for her.

Heading Rome

2010-11-29T07:53:00.002+08:00

Why is it that I always feel like this when I am heading overseas...I guess this time its different cos I know that Nat is at home, and Dar would have to take care of all 5 kids. I feel really bad knowing she is still in confinement. It doesnt help when Nat wakes up like every 2 hrs at night. I shudder when I think how tired dar will be. Really didnt want to go for this trip...

I really cant wait for Thu PM when I will be back, and to look at all of them again. Already miss them even before I depart...:(

Kids, pls stay obedient and dont cause too much trouble when daddy is not home.

Dar, I know its tough and you will have to suffer, but pls try to rest as much as you can..I will be back soonest...

Love

Enjoying the Family

2010-10-23T15:11:00.002+08:00

Recently, I have been able to spend quite a bit of time with the family. I managed to take a day leave per week to spend with Dar, spend time fetching the big 2 for ECA, and time fetching the small 2 kids to or from school. I really enjoyed the time spent with the family. Am I getting old or something else, I dont know why I have been so caught up with work and work.

As Dar says, this is the last chance to "make amends". Indeed...looking at little Noah, when he throws his tantrums (not the tantrums, but the look on his face), or listening to Chloe ask her questions or singing her Lou Xiang. Even watching Nigel and Claire as they devour every meal. It's the little things, no doubt that matters.

Looking at Dar as she struggles recently- She has had palpitations, the pain in the groin due to loose ligaments, swollen feet...I feel sad that I cant help. And she would go that she is feeling useless and so on. To think she actually tried her "stunt"-scooting out for noodles at 5am...I cant imagine what would happen if she cant drive back.

But there are funny moments - I know I shldnt make a joke of it, but she was really worried that the lift in our block would break down. She said she would walk down the stairs...and I asked her whether she wanted Nat's place of birth to be "Level 6 lift landing Blk 2 Toh Yi"...

We are just waiting for Nat's arrival now. I am hoping that he comes soon..he's estimated to be between 3-3.2kg now, so I think it shld be fine...

Reflections

2010-09-19T22:08:00.004+08:00

Been in a reflective mood, and thinking about what I have been doing. Really love to drop everything and stay and watch the kids. Just looking at the family portrait yesterday and soon we will have 1 more addition. I am contented with what I have, and just feeling that it can be easy to lose everything.

Was really touched by Dar's gesture...she is already having difficulties to move, and yet she chose to let me sleep longer by fetching Claire.

The best I can do is to let her have more nice nightsnacks...:)

The last 8 months..

2010-09-05T22:58:00.004+08:00

It has been a long time since I last wrote. Over this past 8 months, many things have happened, most significant being Nat's impending arrival. That of course means that Dar has had to endure the sufferings of carrying a baby again. As she always said, I have it easy. Indeed, this pregnancy has not been easy...with the morning sickness, the pain on the lower back and now the strain on the groin area. She can hardly walk now, but at least I have managed to insist that she goes to work lesser. It's God's grace actually, that at least her Accounting Quiz has completed, and the term is coming to an end. But dar being herself, with less work she also complains.

My work has as usual taken a good bit of my time. But I am determined that the Aust/NZ would be my last trip. Dont think Dar can handle another time when I am not around. Have been busy with various things from the various visits and workshops, to the trips and the exercises. Really need to spend more time with the family.

Which is why I am very glad for the last weekend where we had a good time at the Resort Worlds. Sure it was pretty tiring at the Universal Studios (and I must say comparatively with Gold Coast, not as good..in fact same Shrek show...disappointing), but at least the kids enjoyed. The kids have in this time grown quite a bit...Nigel has been really busy with his sports life- soccer, golf, badminton and swimming. Claire has become really independent travelling by herself to class and school. And yes, she has put on quite a bit of weight. Chloe has also come along well...and she will be going to P1 in a few months time...another worry, but another milestone as well. Am hoping that she will cope well. Orientation day would be coming soon in Nov. And of course, little Noah...who continually entertains us. Recently, he has been up to his antics, and calling himself a joker...really an interactive toy.

Looking forwards to Nat'a arrival now...Although due in Nov, I think he may just come in mid Oct...good and bad also. Hoping that he comes soon, so that Dar need not suffer. But a premature baby would be hard to manage also...Just hoping that we can cope and not like what Dar say that we may have more disagreements.

In any case, just hope that Dar rests well..

10th Anniversary

2010-01-02T21:40:00.002+08:00

We celebrated our 10th anniversary meaningfully on 31 Dec. It was the 1st time that we attended a NYEB. And what an event it turned out, with both dar and me winning a lucky draw prize! And I guess dar had fun...since she was the star of the night. As the emcee said, I am the luckiest man in the ballroom...well i wasnt pertubed even though dar was the brunt of the "sexual harassment" - as I said, I agree that I am the luckiest man...and we did have a good time ..without the kids for once! (ok la, there waqs some guilt trip...)

Well, but it was fun and we both agreed that we should do more..GSS... Phuket here we come... soon.

Heading London

2009-11-21T06:01:00.003+08:00

Each time I pack my bags to go overseas, each time I feel awkward. Last night was spent organising my things as I was just too busy this past week. And indeed, I forgot my new epaulettes. Fortunately, I had a friend living just nearby, else it will be frantic.

It was really strange to have to pack 1 suitcase of gifts to present to the guests overseas...goodness. And until dar came to the rescue, I was nowhere going to be able to complete packing even past midnight....=Thanks dar. It was really strange to pack on my own (yes I am spoilt and have taken you for granted).

I had tried to spend as much time with the kids as I could. I got them the free (Yes that's me) Navy toy robot kit to build. To my chagrin, I had to build 4 of them... but they appreciated it, although I was too busy to interact with them after fixing (to pack my bags).

Still, i'm looking forwards to next long weekend; hopefully I am not too swarmed by the time I come back on Wed.

Take care dar and kids! Will see what I can bring from London.

Claire's 1st Communion

2009-10-26T22:40:00.002+08:00

Last Sat 24 Oct marked Claire's receiving her first communion. She has come a long way, and I was glad that she is now old enough to learn more and understand Jesus. Something that well I didnt really do when I was young, having not attended sunday school as my family was quite half past catholics. Nevetheless like what Father Paul said, we made a promise to God that we will bring up our children as best as we could in the catholic way of life. I really hope that I can...at least provide for the 4 kids a way of life that they can anchor on.

God bless all of them!

Going Home

2009-10-16T09:34:00.002+08:00

Am now waiting for time to pass before leaving for airport. As always, I had to go overseas when things hot up. I know it's not fair to dar, and she has really done all that she can. I really wished I could be around to help her...having to take care of Noah, bringing him to doc, fetching kids for golf, phonics, doing her work and analysis, feeling sick....Owe you big time.

On a brighter note, am glad to have made time to hear her speak at the HSMAI event. I know that analysis and networking is what she does best.

Well counting down..2 1/2 more hours to check-out

Heading Washington

2009-09-12T18:20:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last posted. Time passes quickly.
I will be heading to Washington in a while for a week. Seems like always when I am going overseas that I feel "homesick", and even more so since I will be flying half the world across...

It's going to be tough for dar as usual...with her doubling her work, and now this week to fetch claire for school as well. Fortunately, Chloe has been given the green light to stop her Speech therapy class...so only golf to contend with.

Talking about golf, really enjoyed thu short game. It's been a while since I played and I really enjoyed the company. On the homefront, we finally had some good family bonding time, last week, when we joined the farm around Singapore trip. Really enjoyable, and the kids learnt a lot; watching the goats been milked, feeding frogs, and touching the "sticky" bullfrog. Not to forget eating the croc meat, which they loved. But it is all worth it, watching the little ones enjoy. Dar has been really busy recently. It is certainly difficult, having to manage time with the family as well. But I am glad she is doing something meaningful.

And so I hope to be able to bring back something for the family. And see them soon....

Thanksgiving

2009-07-11T13:59:00.002+08:00

So I lived to tell...It's been a miracle to say the least. All the fears that I had with the "what ifs" from the procedure. I was really not so worried abt the procedure as I was on what would have had happened if it went wrong, like I get a stroke or something. Well maybe only when they started to jab me before drilling the tube, that I became afraid of the pain.

It wasnt that painful, just the feeling of helplessness as I laid on the operating table...I was awake throughout as I was only on local anasthetic. And like I told dar after that, felt very "violated" to have so many people looking and cleaning me up...

But I was really touched by all the concerns, prayer and well-wishes; from all of dar's friends, my colleagues and friends and esp my family. It's like you feel you are not alone through the trials...but hearing about my dad's loss of appetite, seeing my brother almost tearing and my mother-in-law losing sleep and making me the snakehead soup despite her knee pain, made me reflect on what a lousy family member I have been. And talking to dar after the episode made me realise how much she has to keep her fears to herself.. really I am just thankful to God for his mercy..

how do you explain when a resting ECG, a stress-test ECG, a heart perfusion test that all showed something was not very right, which had led to this angiogram in the first place, suddenly my arteries were not blocked, and my heart function was normal, according to the "gold standard" angiogram. By the way, the angiogram was supposedly the gold standard, because it involved putting the dye through the main artery leading to the heart and using a 3D scan with ECG all the way, so that they could see the heart in motion...I asked the doc and he could not explain why. Even my doctor friend in the navy said sometimes things are like that...

So I can only say thanks to God for answering my prayers. Of course, no more taking things for granted, and it will be a health-watch and exercise from now on..for me and dar. Of course..starting tomrw...just 1 last "sinful" meal with dar...

20 hours to angiogram

2009-07-08T23:38:00.002+08:00

I decided that I needed to write...

Was reading the last lecture that dar was reading. I guess, somewhere inside I also needed to leave a legacy for the kids. Strangely enough, just a couple of days ago, Nigel was asking me about this procedure. He asked me if I was scared or not, and I told him a little. He then asked me why not very scared...

I guess it probably has not hit me yet, or that I chose not to look at extreme side, since there is a 1% risk of the procedure giving me a stroke or heart attack. I look at my kids and dar, and I know that if something does happen, I am just going to be very regretful that their lives will be affected...Nigel was just saying before he slept that Michael Jackson's daughter was quite "poor" -think he meant pitiful, as she does not have a daddy anymore.

In a sense, I am glad that the kids are not really affected...poor dar was, when she first heard about the procedure. But I guess she has also been very consumed with what happened at work to worry, which is a blessing in disguise. But to a sense, I guess she also tried...we spent time alone, the family last weekend. We went to the park to kick a ball, even though I know dar didnt really like it. Although she was worried, we actually shared a plate of fried chicken wings this evening, like she told the kids...let daddy eat his sinful stuff...

This is going to be a long post...my longest I suppose...that is so much that I want to say, to record. I look at Claire, she is doing ok, although showing signs of issue at school. Dar was quite affected that claire was transferred out of the good chinese class. But like I always tells her, sometimes, maybe it is because we have too many kids to be able to give dedicated time...But I really hope Claire will realise..she is still young though...

Nigel- he always surprise us with his thoughts. Recently, dar instituted a stars game to exchange for number of arcade games. Nigel was all so geared up. Looking at the way he pushed himself to do Pri 1 chinese, even though he hated chinese. I really see a lot of talent in him, and drive like dar. He really has a lot of potential to develop.

Chloe - She has really improved so much. She retorts really well. Although she still has issues with coordiantion (she still cant quite play computer games for example), but she has really improve a lot. And of course, she is the prettiest one at home, and a very charming smile to boot. I really hope that she continues to grow well.

And of course little Noah. He is really an interactive toy. This morning, he sang the Thomas song all by himself. really threw us off..he is only 2 years 3 months, and a full song. He is really the fastest of them all. And he has a great temper to boot..all thanks to dar's pampering! but he has really brought us a lot of joy, and like dar says...a mini-me, with his eyes..At least a mirrir image..:)

And of course dar. I know the stress that she is going through. Like she says, this year has really been very eventful....pregnant, miscarried, seminar, work issues, my promotion and now needing to hear about my heart issue. I know she is tired, and questioning. Fortunately, she has friends who care. Although I must say, that it is only since the beginning of this year, that we have communicated, much more than we ever did. We really spoke a lot, shared a lot and provided encouragement to each other. And I still havent brought her to Dan Ryans after all these years...something that I would want to do. Just the other day, she asked me if I had any last words.....I did. I told her I will be back. And I will, in God I trust.

Flying to Sri Lanka

2009-05-20T05:55:00.002+08:00

After a busy 2-3 weeks, have finished my "exercise"...and no time to breathe again, will be heading to Sri Lanka (yea, of all places, and news that LTTE has finally been cleared...talk about timing) shortly today for presentation to "sell" my centre.

Having the unsettled feeling again. It's like always when I need to go overseas that I feel like I am leaving my family, throwing them behind. And now, as usual, am leaving it to the good hands of dar, only that as usual, she is plaqued by tons of work, with her AS and having to organise her F1 seminar by next Fri and running the kids programme. Like she says, life is unfair....to her.

I guess in a certain sense, I'd really wish that I can work harder, so that she can really stay home and be a tai tai...(well of course she wont stay home the whole day). Then at least she can be happy doing things she want.

Talking about family, I was really rather upset and disappointed that Claire didnt do too well in the recent exams, especially her Science. I guess for me, it's like she has well-educated parents (and I am a triple science student), what went wrong. We are really trying hard to make her become more self-motivated, to take more ownership. Wondering how we can do this better.

So it is with these extra thoughts that I am leaving.....

Inauguration

2009-04-29T20:19:00.002+08:00

Finally my centre was inaugurated on 27th Apr. It has been a "hell" 2 weeks plus, especially the last weekend, when I had to be back office, leaving the family. Fortunately god sent me an angel. I thanked dar for her understanding and being my pillar of strength. Indeed, it would not have been possible without her support. I remembered feeling so blue and helpless in the new position, churning out xxth version of the script. To think I only got the script cleared at 12am on Mon morning! Fortunately, she took good care of the family. And all her meaningful and uplifting really inspired me. I hope that I'd be able to do the same for her too on 29th May...

Leaving Changi Airport

2009-04-12T20:29:00.003+08:00

I am now waiting for my flight to Jkt. Feels strange and alone, after the boisterous sent-off by the kids and my family (we celebrated my dad's birthday just before coming here). We forgot to bring the tiramisu that dar painstakingly prepared yesterday, so we had a very unique pandan cake celebration at Changi Terminal 2. Indeed, like dar says, it is "hua gui"..we sang a "quiet" song - (well kids were quite loud), then we all started plucking out with our bare hands. Really memorable.

Cant do this again :( I mean really feels very strange without the kids and dar, and thinking about the schedule that dar has to run tomrw for the kids; claire to school at 645, nigel to Cove for his NDP recording and Chloe for her new therapy session, before picking up Noah home...Thanks dar. What will we do without you?

Fortunately, this is a very short trip..I'm already waiting for touch-down to Changi tomr. Will see you soon..Lots of hugs and kisses :)

Test of Faith

2009-02-28T22:29:00.002+08:00

We went to the gynae today, and was told that dar had miscarried.
Apparently, it may have happened not too long after the bleeding incident. I know dar is feeling very upset and keeps blaming herself. But like I explained to her, it was something that was just not meant to be.

It has really been a roller-coaster ride, when we discovered that she was pregnant, was unsure about keeping the baby. Decided that we had to do so. Tried to weaned off Noah, and then the bleeding incident, but was told the foetus was ok. She went on MC for 2 odd weeks, and just when we thought it was ok (although today was supposed to be the Down syndrome test), we were told about this.

I cant say that I empathetise cos I never will be able to feel what Dar is really feeling. But I hope that she stays strong, because we need to move. Because we still have 4 more. Because we need to keep faith with God, even though we dont know what or where this is leading us now. It may be a test, and we need to persevere.

Dar, I'll be here. We are in this together, and always remember that we still have 4 wonderful gifts...

Valentines Day 2009

2009-02-14T09:00:00.005+08:00

We had a scare on 12 Feb, when Dar bleed profusely. Fortunately, I just came back after my golf game was interrupted. Even I was stunned. Was never so afraid. We finally went to Dr Lai and baby & mummy was pronounced safe. Was just thinking about it yesterday, about how Vday this year really felt strange...but dar and me just shared a bowl of noodles for Vday at 330am this morning. Like she says, we are both going to put on weight...well but at least some silver lining.

When we woke up today, we were pleasantly surprised by the kids efforts to celebrate for us. Actually, Claire has been planning it the whole week. While we often scold her for being lazy, she is really thoughtful. She garnered "unwilling" Nigel and "unhelpful" Chloe to produce this for us. Thanks Claire, Nigel & Chloe...The kids are really God's Vday presents for us..

And now we will take good care for the last gift...only pray that God will help dar. She's still bleeding even today, but fortunately yest's medicine did help a little.

2009 - Resolution...

2008-12-31T23:48:00.007+08:00

As I sit thinking about the year 2008, which has been kinda eventful, I cant help but think what 2009 will bring. As it is, I can already see some challenges ahead. Tomrw will see Claire in Pri 3, in the am session. This means that we would need to ferry her to school every morning. Then by Mar, I would be on the ship; with the residential sea-sickness, responsibilities etc, and most of all, being away from home, missing the family and not being able to help. Dar would be busy with her event, and... Noah would be phasing into Child care, and I hope, really pray he will take to it.

I know that we will be able to have a good year ahead..no matter how challenging. Dar we just have to hang in there. I hope to be able to look back in a year's time with pride...

Missing all

2008-12-14T21:50:00.002+08:00

So here I am on duty, while dar has to hang on to the family. Thinking about my coming new appointment, and how I am missing all the kids and dar, I think I am going to have a fair bit of acclamatisation; not so much to the sea, but of the absence. At least there is internet here, so i have the photos of all for company, thanks to FB.

And tomr will mark a milestone for Noah, as he starts his trial at Cat Cove. I'm sure dar is going to have a sleepless night again, worrying about how Noah will cope. I just hope that he takes to the place well.

Deepavali@Istana

2008-10-27T23:26:00.003+08:00

We visited the Istana today. It was the first time for the kids...and we almost could not make it, cos we did not bring our IDs. Fortunately, dar said to "try our luck", and we passed through. We had a good time, having a picnic at the Istana. No, we did not meet the President, but we did visit the main building and had home-made durian puffs. And oh yes, Nigel insisted that they needed to take pictures with the policemen and soldiers...ha ha I think the kids really enjoyed themselves today..

Back and Blog Again

2008-10-10T00:23:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since I wrote. The last 2 months have come and gone in a flash. We have finally moved in and the defects of the house have finally been settled. We are now enjoying the house. We also sent Siti back, and with 1 helper, we seem to have "more" time with the kids. I cant recall when the last was (when we had 2 helpers that is) that we sat with all 4 kids to watch them play, and watch VCDs. And how much Chloe has come as well. It was kinda funny when Dar mentioned yesterday that she was caught when Chloe was fighting with Noah for toys...ha ha. But Chloe has come a long way and is more assertive as well. And of course, last night when Noah was asking for "mum mum"..no not mummy but supper..ha ha how to resist when we have a hawker centre right below...Hmm, what's lacking is the final photos. Will make sure I post tomrw.

Flux

2008-08-27T06:47:00.002+08:00

This has not been an easy period especially for my dar. Having to cope with the new maid,shifting house and renovation, going full time, money worries, and my absence.
Sometimes, I would not understand and fail to be more accomodating. I know it's not easy, but saying is easier and since I am the one who is not around. Dar I hope you would hang in there...tough times wont last but you would. Will try to find some time for us...love

Sneak Peak of Reno

2008-08-08T23:33:00.003+08:00

Since we began hunting for our new place, Dar has been getting herself busy. From the bank loan to the ID. After we got the house, we had to contend with the HDB permits. It's been almost 5 weeks since we started renovations. Things are looking up (finally). We have seen them tearing the old place up, re-tiling and plastering. Next week, they will finally start painting, installation of the cabinets and others. So hear's a sneak peak of what the house is like - midpoint.

Noah Bliss and Sunshine

2008-07-01T22:26:00.002+08:00

We became "adopted" owners of 2 budgies since Sun, and will continue to be so till this weekend. These 2 budgies belonged to dar's friend, Ilse. They are called Bliss and Sunshine. Actually, I never expected dar's mom to ok the request to keep the birds.

Well, but the kids had fun with them. Since Sun, they have been talking about them. We let them out at least once a night. Sunshine loves to climb on me. And guess what..of the 4 kids who is the only one who dares to carry the birds, allow the birds on him and even tries to STEP on them... ha ha no secret...Noah.

Introducing Noah, with Bliss and Sunshine all over...

Fun in June

2008-06-28T10:24:00.006+08:00

This Jun break turned out very well. I had thought that we could only do this in Dec. I managed to take a few days break and brought the family to Genting, had fun at the zoo and even became flag day volunteers for a morning. All in all really rejuvenating and fulfilling.

At Genting, the kids thoroughly enjoyed the theme park. It was just too bad that Nigel was a bit short (min ht 122cm) for the roller coaster and other rides. Else tks to dar's good planning, we had a smooth time, and our stored value food cards allowed us 3 good restaurant meals (with sharks fin to boot!). The best part was that we returned with good memories from the casino..Dar won over RM300...

On the 1 overcast friday, we took our chances and left for the zoo. The kids had fun talking about the animals, had games (tried to copy the giraffe eating leaves), mosquito bites, and great memories. It was a combi ticket we bought, and we would be going to the night safari soon.

On the last sat before school started, Claire, Nigel, Chloe,dar and me took off to help the KDF for their flag day. We had wanted to give the kids an experience of sharing, and doing something for the underpriviledged. Instead, we managed to teach them a lesson about asking and the need to be proactive to get what you want. They faced lots of rejection. Imagine Claire/Nigel running up to approach an uncle/auntie asking in their angelic voice "Good morning xxx, would you like to donate?", and a RESOUNDING "NO". Claire was quite adjusted after a while, and would just dive for the next person. Poor Nigel would turn around and give me a blank stare. I would just explain to him that it is up to people to decide whether they wanted to donate or not. But if we did not ask, they would surely not. Fortunately, there were many kind people as well, who donated large amounts esp to Nigel, even though they already done so previously. We finished up all our stickers in the span of 1 and 1/2 hours, and left Bishan bus terminal when other school children was just starting.

Our new place..Toh Yi Blk 2

2008-06-26T23:18:00.003+08:00

We are finally the owners of a maisonette at Toh Yi. This was not easy...we had started combing from last year. If not for the boo-boo/god's plan, we would also have not made the decision on this unit. But we have, and we finally got the keys today. Thinking back, it has not been easy and is going to be so from now on. We wiped out our savings for the downpayment, finally got the bank's ok for the loan, and is still waiting for the ok for the reno loan. But in between, we are now almost done with our will, and we have spend some good time thinking about the reno...ok dar has done all the work...but I am kinda excited about it all. I hope that it will turn up the way as we dreamt of in Sep. Am attaching the "before" look...

Nostalgia

2008-05-17T07:01:00.003+08:00

It's been a long while since I last travelled back to The Florida. Driving back my "favourite" road (which is always jammed and still was), turning past Tampines Road, I dropped by at the Nativity Church for a short prayer. There was a strong sense of nostalgia, as I thought about my family; the times we spent. It's been a while, and my family has grown quite a bit. I thought about Dar and at that moment, the thing I asked the Lord was to grant me a chance to visit Gold Coast- our honeymoon place, with Dar once more. All I wanted was to "relive" the honeymoon once more.

I am thankful to the Lord for everything and am contented with what he has given me. While sometimes it can be trying, I know he's there with us. Coming home, I hoarded lots of Dar's and the kids favourite food; from the Selegie Beancurd, to Segamat durian and grapes. Oh how they loved it (sorry about the diet plan, dar!). But it's the least that I could do.

Well, the trip certainly brought me thinking quite a bit....on a special day.. (Yes and Happy Birthday as well Ben!)

2nd at Storytelling Competition

2008-04-04T22:51:00.002+08:00

This is a delayed blog entry. After I told Claire about the BTCC's storytelling competition, she pestered to participate. So we registered and she went for the prelims on 22 Mar. Her story- The Giving Tree. Of course she was the tree, with the branches, apples , tree trunk and stump. The props courtesy from Dar. But I must say she is brave for her age. She didnt disappoint and got through to the finals. Dar was there, while I was on duty. But all of us were there for her finals performance. She delivered well, and came up 2nd. We were really proud of her, after all she was the youngest contestant. Wonder whether Nigel, Chloe or Noah would step up to it?

Tell Her About It

2008-03-22T12:20:00.003+08:00

Over the last few days, I was reminded about my philosophy of "surprises and reminders". You see, after Noah came along, the unromantic me has started taking my beloved for granted (again!) I assumed that with 4 kids, (it was agreed..) that we had no time for ourselves (and correspondingly for each other). So our time was already equally divided into 25%, taken up respectively by Hi 4.

I "re-learnt" that I should never assume that my beloved doesnt need TLC. I did managed to soothe her nerves (she's actually not difficult to please, and I really should not take it for granted..), and we managed to enjoy our Good Friday, and even caught up for half an hour drinking sugarcane.

Reminds me of Billy Joel's "Tell Her About It"..and this entry is to remind me to always remember...:)

Tell her about it, Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason to accept That you're for real
Tell her about it, Tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her, Let her know how much she means

Listen boy It's not automatically a certain guarantee
To insure yourself You've got to provide communication constantly
When you love someone You're always insecure
And there's only one good way To reassure

Tell her about it, Let her know how much you care
When she can't be with you, Tell her you wish you were there
Tell her about it Every day before you leave
Pay her some attention,
Give her something to believe......

CNY 08

2008-02-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

This year's CNY came with some bad news, with our friend's baby death. It affected us quite a bit; we being parents and it happening to one of our close friends. Just brings to mind how life is fragile, and how much it intertwines the members in a family. Cant help but feel morbid again. While our hearts are heavy, we have to learn to see the light and look for the postives in life. Indeed, as I was sharing with Dar, no matter what happens, it's those around that will need even more care...this being CNY, I will try to look at the bright side. The long CNY holidays have also given our family some needed bonding time. To think I was complaining to my dar just a week back, about how hard it was to control and teach the young ones. This incident, and the few sessions of hide-and-seek at the playground below our house the last few days did change my prespective. I am just going to try to enjoy and focus on the precious good times I have with my family. So here are the latest pix of our 4 little ones...

Our four little loves

2008-01-23T20:02:00.000+08:00

So happy to see my dar blogging about the kids. I cant have done a better job myself. Indeed it is not easy. Sometimes, I wonder if we really had too many kids, so much so that we cannot give the attention and time that they so rightly deserve. Me and dar had 1 of those sessions just over the weekend. I'm glad we spoke our hearts, and I am sad that I didnt post this entry sooner. But I promised my dar I will, and the photo on this entry will be the 4 of them to remind us of our lifelong commitment to them, no matter what.

Well, a lot of pple have asked me how we did it with 4. We are really doing "time-share" now. Believe me, it gets hardest when only one of us is at home...the 4 really know how to choose a time to demand attention. But Dar has been coping well...certainly controls them better than I do.

And like Dar says, each seems to have a geniune reason demanding our attention; Claire with her school work, Chloe for speech therapy, Nigel with his behaviour which needs checking, Noah with his need for the breast..(and oh did I say how he is starting to be a little tyrant with his older siblings, especially bullying Chloe).

But, looking at them, and especially when they also look you in the eye, I can only say I (no we) are more than thankful for them. While our career will certainly need to take a backseat and we have almost forgotten what leisure time is (except eat, sleep and TV). I believe it is and will be worth it.

1st day at St Anthony's

2008-01-05T22:19:00.000+08:00

I brought Claire to school at St Anthony's on wed. I was afraid that she may not take to the new school. Followed her on the school bus (an hour long ride) and she put on her brave smile throughout. Even when I suggested to change seats cos it was cold, she said no, and her hands were icy cold. When we finally reached the school, found out that the parents were not allowed up into the hall. I was about to leave her on her own, but noticed that she was feeling scared, so we took a different stair up to the hall. But her form teacher, Mdm azmi was quite comforting.

Kudos to Claire, cos she adapted quite well. I mean if she did not, we would have felt very bad, pulling her out of her comfort zone at CHIJ. But fortunately, on her school bus, were a few of her new classmates. After 3 days, I am glad to say that she has done it...

Xmas 2007

2007-12-27T16:03:00.000+08:00

We had a great Xmas holiday this year, in sunny Singapore. Who says great hols are found only during tours overseas. Well, we had a little gathering of friends, and the kids were bestowed with many many presents. The photos show the 4 kids opening presents from godparents Ange and Joseph. (note the stacks of wrapping paper behind..)

And yes, today is the last day of my 14 days leave...the dread of going back to work...

Cat Cove Year End Event 07

2007-12-01T20:42:00.000+08:00

And so, it marks 6 months for both Chloe and Nigel. It's been a long way indeed, esp for Chloe. When she first when to Cat Cove, she was barely speaking. But now she sings, babbles and talks...she's been saying many sentences, surprising us.

And now she has acted in her first musical theatre programme...quite an achievement. Looking at Nigel, he's been quite a good kor kor as well, accompanying Chloe, pushing her, sayanging her...he with his si sua sua (wash, brush brush) dance was quite funny..and of course, he forgot his lines...oh and Chloe was the butterfly, while Nigel was the ladybird

Thanks to the teachers, and we are hopping to have more surprises next year...

Best Progress Award

2007-11-18T23:10:00.000+08:00

I attended Claire's prize prsentation ceremony on Fri 16 Nov.
She was awarded the Best Progress for her class...well actually it's no big deal..but parents being parents, both dar and myself were all so excited. Becos I was the only one who attended (dar couldnt make it and was so unhappy abt it), I had to make sure I capture a good shot for posterity.

I am glad to see Claire excel. Although she is not the top, but I'm sure she is somewhere there..which leads naturally to where Nigel, Chloe and Noah will be.
Nigel, so far, has been really mischieveous and many a times have driven us up the wall (and gotten quite a few pinches, scoldings and caning). Although he usually surprises us with his well-thought-of, out-of-the-box question, we really worry abt his discipline and whether he can stay out of trouble in school. As for Chloe, she is improving with her speech therapy, but we are still worried whther she can improve enough for normal primary education...hopefully she does. As for Noah..still too early to tell, I suppose...well...who knows.

Will see whether Claire can achieve similar outcomes next year.

Facebooked

2007-11-15T12:48:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I last updated...and the reason..I have been facebooked as well. [www.facebook.com]

It's the "in" thing. And yes, it's quite addictive..to see how many friends you have, and it's amazing how you "find" your friends and is "found" by others...

On a separate note, it was nice to receive your note on Facebook...sorry, still exploring, didnt know that the "wall" was updated...but really appreciate your comments. I know it's been tough and hectic for you as well...but we'll ride it through..hopefully it'll be smooth sailing after we settle in at BT.

Family Portrait

2007-09-14T06:32:00.000+08:00

We had a family portrait taken some time ago in Aug and only recently did we get the samples back. Have attached 1 particular such photo. As you can see, it was a relatively pleasant experience for the adults, although I cant say the same for the children. We were in all sorts of poses, but the children were either focusing on the maid (who was standing beside the camerman), not smiling, fidgety or crying. And the cameraman was very professional...he insisted that Chloe's hand must be place correctly, Noah's shirt must be tucked right...you get the picture. Really reminded me and dar of our wedding shots....ahh the memories....

Also attached 1 shot of Noah and his 2 buck teeth..(I cant resist). Looking at him grow gives us lots of pleasure (he is the ONE at home now..everybody is cooing over him, including my parents), and he is a tyrant: dar has not had a good night's sleep since I dont know when.

But time to sit back and enjoy....the photos..

Doctor Lim

2007-08-15T06:22:00.000+08:00

I had a beautiful conversation with my wife in the wee hours this morning. The topic of our conversation was however morbid. We were discussing her fears and mine, a "what-if" she or me were to pass on. I supposed we needed to talk, with the recent demise of her colleague, student. I am glad we did, and glad that I shared with her, that no matter what happens, the surviving one must be strong - for the kids. It's going to be tough, but they are our future. As she says, in Noah, there's a mini-me; in Claire, there's a mini- her. I told her that she should start to pen her thoughts in her blog again, just to ventilate and also to serve as a memory. And I have to write this down: my advice to her would be "to do what I (as in me) would have done", even if I am not around. Suddenly, the song "I'll be There" from When in Rome comes to my mind. (Dont be afraid, oh my love, I'll be watching you from above....Just think of me, and I'll be there.)

Strangely enough, I received this verse on my email today.

The Lord will guide you continually, watering your life when you are dry and keeping you healthy, too. Isaiah 58:11 NLT
Wouldn't you like to know now what is in store for you a year from now? God leads us a day a time, a step at a time. No need to worry about distant events....

Trust the Lord, dar. Let's enjoy the present time as much as we can, and not worry about things we dont know and cannot control. Love.

"The Shrink" - Nicholas

Pray for strength, dont despair

2007-08-13T22:08:00.000+08:00

It has been negative stories and events. There seems to be a dearth of good news. Today my dar heard about the student and then the colleague. Just gives a sense of helplessness. I know my dar is not feeling good. And I am not around again. But dar, sometimes we dont understand what is happening, and we tend to interpret things based on what we see and what we think.

It is in times of helplessness and not knowing, that it is even more important that we turn to God, to pray to him for strength. I know we are not devout catholics, and our faith is weak. But we got to trust in him. In my email today, I received a mail entitled "How can I deal with feelings of hopelessness?".

The last paragraph is worth repeating, and I hope that we do not give in to despair.

"The truth is that you will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:10-11 NLT

The people of Israel were going to spend a long exile away from their homeland—70 years—as God's discipline. After that, God would return them to the land. In other words, God had a plan for their future. Even the Exile, with its seeming hopelessness, was part of God's long-range plan for his people. And his plans were good. You may not have really discovered the hope that is found in God's love for you through Jesus Christ. Reject despair and seek out God's plan—and his hopes—for you.

Jinxed...again

2007-08-01T19:30:00.000+08:00

It's the same again. Each time when I go overseas, it is always like that. This time around, I am in Surabaya, travelling when my wife and my mum-in-law is sick. And when I am here, somehow the sms doesnt work, the kids school call, the unit below my place say that our toilet leaks and need us to repair immediately, and the web cam on my wife's laptop chooses not to work.

Is it jinx or what? It was the same last year when I went to Jakarta. My wife was sick, and all alone in the US (and lost her voice to boot). I feel bad, really really bad. For my poor wife, to have to handle everything alone.

And I miss u dar. Dont know why, but I suddenly asked myself when was the last time I was out with you alone (and i dont mean grocery shopping, or night supper). Its like since the kids came along, I seem to have been caught up in all the busy daily chores. Just hold on for 2 more days. I will be back, and time for me to do my part. Love

Top Student of MMH 06-07

2007-07-28T15:19:00.000+08:00

I attended the convocation of my dar on Tues 24 Jul. Watching her receive her certificate and STB Gold Medal for the top student for her course, I am really at a loss for words. She is really amazing: Being pregnant, giving birth to Noah, having to spend time alone in US, studying a Masters in Hosp Mgt no less (she has no background at all!), attachment while pregnant and full breastfeeding since Noah was born.

So much so, that she fell sick recently. Got well, but is down again since yesterday.

Fortunately, there is the pot of gold under the rainbow..I hope. I am glad that she got her 700 score for GMAT, and praying that she gets accepted for her PHD (her dream come true). She has raised the intention to go part-time, and I hope she gets it. Hopefully, that will help to ease her burden a little.

And as for me...I am glad for her. You deserve it. Hopefully, I play a part for your wish to come true!

Work Routine

2007-07-04T03:13:00.000+08:00

And so my little Chloe and Nigel has been in Cat Cove for more than a month now. While it has been a good thing that they had learnt to adapt, it's been hellish for my wife..my work schedule again.

Immediately after the 3 days leave, it's been back to the non-stop plough. It's like I also dont know what to say, when I am questioned. Like my dar says, it's unfair to her, no doubt. I get the easier deal, while she goes on a lack of sleep, tend to no.2 and 3, worry abt Claire's homework, and soon to be, her own work stress.

I really wish I can do something for her as well. I did tell my boss, but unless I leave my job, how much real improvement would there be?

Dar, thanks for everything! I know it's been really tough for you. Just wanted to say I really appreciate all that you've done. Only wish I could do something for you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAR

2007-06-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

And so we celebrated my dar's birthday. (Happy Sweet 18th).
I finally managed to get 3 days of leave. Hectic no doubt, but very well spent. We did the passport for the family, has 2some time at Jacksons (yea boorish), went to Sentosa and had a family suite. The kids loved it! We did the Lush and cable car, and also had some time at Vivo. Of course, we had our little trifles...part of the game..har!

But seriously I was very happy. To think that through God's blessing, No 2 and no 3 had a fantabuluous time at Cat Cove today too made me happier. No surprise that the person to thank was my dar. She is the one who put in all the effort. What will we do without you.. Thanks dar and happy sweet 18th!

Chloe at the Caterpillar Cove

2007-06-07T21:36:00.000+08:00

We finally put Chloe at the trial in the last week of May. I stayed with her on the last 2 days while Dar stayed with her on the first. Seemed quite ok during the trial. But when we returned this week, seemed to be another story. First, she was feeling the separation anxiety. Then the teacher in charge commented to dar that Chloe was quite different and said to put Chloe through tests, which really freaked her out.

We had quite a talk. Fortunately, Chloe seemed to be picking up slightly, just slightly. She is still feeling the separation anxiety. But we just have to persevere...for her sake. Any improvement is still an improvement. In the meantime, we would be considering Nigel for the centre as well....

Sacrifice

2007-06-07T21:15:00.000+08:00

It's been tough for my wife recently. The big 2 have been on an overdrive since the start of the hols, Chloe is still not adapted at the Caterpillar's Cove, Noah still wakes quite a bit in the night, her stresses from her exams and presentations, and as usual, my work schedule means I am not of much help when needed.

Add on to this, Mum seems to have trouble taking care of the kids at home. I know it's been a huge sacrifice on my wife's part. No one else would be able to take such stresses. Feel really shitty also...If I could only bring home the bacon by myself.

Going Home

2007-04-26T18:41:00.000+08:00

Today is the last day in Gold Coast. Cant wait to go back to S'pore to smell and hug the kids and my wife. To think that I had to buy a new luggage bag for all the gifts and presents. Well, I guess I had my share of fun here, satisfying my casino craving. Too much sausage and ham also, cant wait for my mee kia tah and chicken rice. Ahh...hopefully i will have a good weekend with the family. God bless!

Room with a View

2007-04-22T18:42:00.000+08:00

Here I am in Brisbane, for a week now, while my wife is handling our four little ones at home, juggling with her school work, the breastfeeding, teaching Claire....and I have been at class, enjoying the cool weather, shopping, at the casino..life is unfair.

The photo is of my room at the Sea World resort. I wished I could have brought the family along, but the schedule wasnt right, and the cost..could have been better spent with the whole extended family at Genting instead. In any case, it's just another 5 more days. But I had excellent news today about Dar's PHD offer and Claire's motivation..beats the room with the view.

Brisbane

2007-04-14T15:29:00.000+08:00

And so I am now preparing to leave for Brisbane for a course in a few hours time.
Just worried abt dar and the 4 little ones. It's always like that...when I have to disappear when the family is busy..Will be away for 2 weeks. Just pray and hope that all will be fine...

This past week has seen Chloe improving, quite a few more new words in her vocab..and Noah...although still giving us sleepless nights, have been growing well..and yes, we all just love to kiss and disturb him. Claire had her Korean dress adventure just yesterday, and all because I wasnt willing to spend some $ to buy her a new costume. Nigel..well he still says he wants both Fina and Vanessa....

Will miss the family...

Noah's 1st month

2007-04-01T23:54:00.000+08:00

Today was Noah's 1st month. After I got back from duty, we went to my parents, followed by Novena before adjourning home for lunch. Like my wife said, it was a simple outing but something we have not done for a while as a family. Indeed, it was good to see all the kids out, playing and happy. We followed it up with another one to Compass Point, buying some household stuff, playing Arcade before returning...simple pleasures which we had taken for granted...not anymore.

I am planning to bring the whole (extended) family to Genting this June..As long as everone is happy, and we enjoy each others' company, that's what matters!

Contentment

2007-03-24T12:58:00.000+08:00

This weekend, the house was boisterous again. I fetched Teck back after he had spent 17 days at my parents. We are at the tail end of the WP and Dar is on the mend after her haemorrhoid ops. Noise...not something I will relate for contentment, but it is.

For 3 weeks, everything was in a spiral. The family was tested and tested. Honestly the only thing I could do was pray and hope that God gave us strength. He did, and we withstood the test of time. Sure, we had spent quite a sum on hospital bills, we had our misgivings and quarrels, but it was inevitable. But looking on the bright side, my parents would have enjoyed Teck's company, Chloe did speak quite a bit more and my mom-in-law can now proudly say she can control her (with the cane). Claire and Teck both realised how much each meant to the other (though that did not stop their quarrels, once he came home..) My dar..hmm, it was a painful session all the way. I dont know whether she thinks there is a bright side.

But still, this weekend has brought us relief and contentment; that the family is finally back together again.

Testing the Family II

2007-03-12T11:15:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought that things was settling down (after my workplan script is almost completed), new challenges arrive. First was yest morning, when my dar called to say tat she saw spots on Noah's head. Alas, no paed on a Sun morning. After looking at him, we decided to wait it out, and if really was the case then rush him to KKCH, or see paed on Mon morning (today). Thankfully he looks fine.

After I went home, got call from mom abt dar being in pain. Her piles was prolapse and thrombose. Smart-thinking me decided that we should cut like the previous time. Only for the GP to tell us that she needs GA...gosh. U know how we felt? It was like 1 peak after another on the roller coaster... We decided to call Dr Lai, but he was out of town. Finally got some advice to take some other med and wait it out. My poor dar! After being lamblasted with all the challenges, now comes this. She is now considering deferring her studies. And I cant help much also...
Managed to call and get an appt for Dr Lai this Thu. If the med doesnt work, looks like she would have to be warded this weekend for the ops. We can only pray.

Dont know how long more and what new things will come. Just told my dar that maybe this is lent, 40 days of test. Lets hope evrything turns out well by Easter....

Testing the family

2007-03-08T00:15:00.000+08:00

Last night was pathetic. It's the latest that I have worked. Left office at 1110pm...all for an update brief to my big big boss at 8 am this morning...Did not have a chance to call home, becos figured that by then 1050 pm, dar and the 2 girls would have been in bed. Didnt want to wake them. I'm sure she is upset..and rightly so.
To think that my new year resolution was work-life balance....my foot. While she is in her confinement, she had to send the kids for medical, without any good sleep at night so that she could breastfeed Noah...while I am at work and not helping at home.

My poor Teck is now at my parent's place, and I am here with him. We had to segregate him as he was down with chicken pox, and Noah is only 6 days old...While I may be physically here with him, I am actually not spending quality time with him. And I am afraid that I am a carrier for the chicken pox also...then spread to kids, so I also cannot go home. What would be the point of the segregation if I were to go home and spread to the family? But that would mean that I would not get to see my 2 girls, Noah and my wife..How?? Dilemma. Missed them so much. But what can I do?

Just wished Teck would get well quick, his lesions would dry up soon. But also that the kids at home remain healthy..and my poor wife...Lord, pls give us all strength, cos we really really need it.

Bad Timing

2007-03-06T23:03:00.000+08:00

Found out today that Nigel had Chicken Pox. What a time! Today Noah was supposed to take his bilirubin test for jaundice and I was so busy with my coming presentation and workplan that I have had no time to fulfil my responsibility. And what a shock I had when I got the call this morning...my mind was in a blank. Had to get my wife to send Noah; my mum-in-law to get the 2 girls for chicken pox vaccination. And she had not enough $$..Really feel shitty. And I was in office getting whacked for my work. Was supposed to end at 10pm today, but left at 7+, cos the boss said to do tomorrow...

Just pray that Noah and the 2 girls will be fine...Sorry dar. I can only say sorry...

Noah and our coming Vday

2007-02-13T22:42:00.000+08:00

Today we went to Dr Lai for the routine checkup. It was heartening to hear that Noah was doing fine. He is likely to be abt 2.68kg now, meaning he might be 3 kg at birth. He is also taller than his siblings...hmmm. Interesting. I just wished that dar would have a smooth and safe delivery. Interestingly her big fear is that she may just give birth in the car or taxi, to which Dr Lai promptly reassured that it shouldnt but, just keep baby warm if she should...

This coming Vday would be our 13th year, and our 8th since we've been married.
It's been a long and fruitful time that we've shared. Indeed, this Vday is already special with our 3 little ones, and Noah...
Come to think of it, I've not written a Vday note to dar for the longest time. Doesnt help that I've been so busy lately. But fortunately, I managed to get some flowers and cake for her today. Celebrated with our 3 little ones. I hope that I will be able do something for her...soon

Keluarga Saya (My family)

2007-01-26T23:36:00.000+08:00

I am attending Indonesian classes, and today, the theme was really something very close to my heart- keluarga saya...

I went with my wife recently for her check-up. I pestered her to, as I really wanted the gynae to see her, although she was, as usual at her pregnant stage, wanting to try to save $$, and so wanted to postpone her visit. She's 33 weeks now, but maybe cos it's no. 4, she's really having a hard time. I wish I can do something for her, but the only thing I can offer her is my time and care (esp providing all the suppers)....

Separately, a couple of days ago, Claire also said something that really pricked me. After my wife had gone through her homework, I was in the room with her but logged into my computer, when she suddenly turned to me and asked if I had a little time. I said "Yes Claire, why?". She answered in her sweet innocent voice, "Do you think you can spend a little time with me? You have been spending time with di di and mei mei. We can do anything you want, like painting or play computer games ". At that, I really froze. I felt really ashamed that I had forgotten that my 1st born was 6+ and also needed me. And so we had a few games of tic-tac-toe. The 15 mins we played together was really enjoyable and unforgettable.

Really, I feel very blessed for my three little ones and my 1 and only love. Must try to fulfil my New Year resolution of work-life balance...

And for the record, she beat me 2 games to 1.

Sheer Coincidence?

2007-01-06T23:15:00.000+08:00

I had the runs last night. Didnt eat anything funny; so many times that my legs turned weak. Shall leave out the grotesque details. I was wondering what caused it. ...
Today, for the whole day, I was trying to call my wife in Lijiang. I smsed her, called her but no response. It was only 5 mins ago that she called back home, saying she was running around the whole day and she had the runs. Is it mere coincidence? I always seemed to feel what she feels when she is pregnant: the nausea, cravings and now the runs. And she was describing her condition, so similar to mine. But at least she had a valid reason; she is in China and they had steamboat (potential since you mix cooked and uncooked).
Well, fortunately she is fine, and so am I. Glad that she is returning tomorrow...

New Year but no reprieve

2007-01-04T23:43:00.000+08:00

It's a brand new year and my wife is in Lijiang. She travelled today. Like I emailed her, the "loneliness" attack has returned...And funny that she said that it felt surreal that she was communicating with me by email again...reminded her of her US "hole"....I know. It's really tough on her, being in an advanced stage and although the trip is a short one, still got to travel away from her comfort zone...and to add that she's having that cough again...She'll say its the Lim genes.

But I was really glad to hear from her, that her flight was good and the place was nice, though a little ulu and cold. I hope that she drinks enough water and can rest well tonight. I'll be waiting to fetch her from the airport this Sun. Hang in there dar, the 4 days would pass quickly...

Shaun Noah

2006-12-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

It's been more than 2 weeks since I came back with my wife. Now with her by my side, the motivation to write seems to have reduced...after all I'd rather tell her straight. But still this blog contains many precious memories....

We saw our gynae yesterday. It's confirmed that No.4 will be Shaun Noah.."see the scrotum", he said. But we were more glad that Shaun is doing fine. In the US, for the developed status that it has, my wife did not really get "proper" medical advice. And after her bout of viral infection, the all clear from Dr Lai was pleasant news indeed. I would have wanted to post the ultrasound "photo" of Shaun, but uploading would take ages.

We still have not agreed on his chinese name though. I am for Jia Ming, but my wife prefers Jia Ern, and Claire...Jia Le. I chose Ming, cos it means the "light", at least he was, during the term of my wife's stay in the US. Jia Le was the original as we wanted our kids to be happy. Guess we will wait for the sign....

And next week, my wife would be going to Lijiang. Just wish that she would take care of herself..(caught her climbing a chair to take a haversack. And she walked from her work place to Peace Centre today...dar...what can I say)..

Closing of a Chapter

2006-12-15T04:56:00.000+08:00

And so we returned safely back home on 13 Dec. Historic indeed as it proved that my wife has achieved the objectives set for herself and learnt a lot more. Sometimes I really wonder how she does it. But capping the 5 1/2 months return from the States is indeed something. I am glad that I made the trip up. It was really memorable to end it the way we started. You Shi You Zhong. We went back to Woodsbury Commons,had our last great roast duck at Canal Street and of course the usual quarrels of which way to go. Of course, there were a lot of others, we mustered the train schedule, although we had to wait an hour at Secaucus station. We watched a musical, Mama Mia at Broadway, although it wiped us out more than 400 bucks. We had our first taste of snow (really felt like dust blowing in your face).

So it was all in a great adventure (not sure what my wife will think!). I am really proud of her achievement. And now as the year draws to a close, its time to wind down, recharge a little and wait for the continuation of the adventure in Jan 07. Lijiang.

"Honeymoon" in NY

2006-12-10T14:49:00.000+08:00

We are halfway on our way home after the "epic" US episode of my wife's study. I did take a lot of photos, and yea, it snowed for us. The first time for the both of us. It was beautiful and cold. It has been a long 5 and half months, and this blog will certainly keep our memories alive.

We are now in NY, in Marriott, near the airport. Certainly it has been an experience. When we checked in today, the receptionist congratulated us on our "honeymoon", since we were booked in a honeymoon package after all-cheaper. Yes, come to think of it, our 7th anniversary is arriving soon. Will try to enjoy these last 2 days before we fly off on 11th. Back Home. Home Sweet Home.

Home Coming

2006-12-07T07:48:00.000+08:00

I will be flying off shortly. Thinking back, my wife has come a long way...just like yesterday when I sent her there. Of course, she would object. But certainly this past 5 and half months has not fallen short of milestones..when we discovered she was pregnant, loneliness, her visit and the long way back, struggles with work, my visit, her falling sick, and the kids. We've come a long way. Looking ahead, the future is going to be as challenging, her coping with attachment, china trip, baby's coming, and then coping with a newborn, 3 kids and work. Boy, what a life! But we look forwards to it. Will be waiting to bring you home to the kids.

Last Week of Nov

2006-12-03T11:11:00.000+08:00

And so we are entering the final two weeks of the US phase. How this past week has been...She got better and then late last week she was in a miserable state, coughing, urine incontinence, blocked nose and contractions. Fortunately, I could get the leave before my boss leaves today for the week, else I would not be able to go up on 7th.

Yet, things arent that smooth..the specs thing notwithstanding, then now find that the package has not been delivered yet. How could it be? US Post, what a letdown? Will have to wait for Singpost's reply. Hopefully a miracle will happen. On the home end, lost my cool recently, and scolded big 2 and almost drove them out of the car, until I was stopped by an old man. Maybe I am stressed. Chloe still has a cough and cant speak, looks like will have to get an appt for a private specialist.

shitty and helpless

2006-11-23T01:22:00.001+08:00

Feeling really shitty now. Knowing that my poor dar is sick and all alone in the States, and here I am in Jakarta. Will be back on Fri, and the least that I can do is to take the leave and fly up as soon as I can up to be with her. Maybe really shouldnt have made the trip up earlier and cause her to feel sick. And also this Jak trip. Dar, hang in there. I know you are really miserable, and if only there is something I can do. I can only pray and hope that this willl pass soon. Seeing you like tat, I really dont know wat to do.

24 more

2006-11-19T23:43:00.000+08:00

We came back this morning. Was it fast... how 1 week in the States has come and gone. Somehow my wife seems to be bouncing back slower this time. I know she was really overjoyed, and how 1 week has now seemed to thrown her off balance ....again. All I can only offer is that it is 24 more days. And Claire was coughing, so the Singapore humidity may be better for her. But alas, now my wife is down with a fever. And what can I offer: drink more water and take the medicine pls.

Feels near yet so far. Dar, you've come a long way. A long long way, and the light at the end of the tunnel is clearer now, though it is still a distance away. Its tough, and though short, yet now the time seems to pass extra slow. But I really hope that you "cherish" wat ever memories and try to relax and feel the envt. I know you would wish to come back immediately, and reading this only extends the agony. This is the last time I will write abt such things, so tat you can get yr mind off things.

I will just pray that you recover soon, and tat the clock will tick faster..til 13 Dec. 24 more.

New York...Ithaca

2006-11-15T06:24:00.000+08:00

So we are now in the midst of our little getaway in Ithaca. We arrived NY on Fri nite, and had such a long check-in, but we made it through with the curry paste. So glad to see my wife. And she was very excited to see us too...

We had a good few days in NY, visiting the Toys R Us and the ferris wheel. Oh and can we forget out favourite chinese food at Canal Street. Weather was still good. We reached Ithaca yesterday and checked in the Best Western. Very spacious room, and my wife's culinary skills have gotten better. We had 2 good hot and piping homemade meals with love. Went for the scan to see No. 4 also. Thankfully, the baby is fine and well with God's blessing.

Just 2 more days before we leave on Fri. Got to enjoy....

Going US

2006-11-10T06:45:00.000+08:00

Today is the day that we have been waiting for. I will be flying to US with Claire shortly. I hope that we enjoy our time, although I am apprehensive about the flight time....18 and half hours no joke man...To add that I started to feel a little unwell last night. Woke up at 5+. Claire has also not been feeling too good cos of her throat. The antibiotics also made her feel weak. Last night, talking to my dar, also realised that she was not feeling well, womb keep contracting and she was feeling sick. How come like that when we are about to go. And the freak thing happened yesterday when I was stung by a bee...the 1st time in my life...I hope that God will bless us and have a safe trip.

Last night as I was reading to Teck and Chloe, also felt sad, like cant bear to leave them. Teck has been asking to go for the longest time, with me to see mummy. Will have to disappoint him. I hope that when I see dar in NY, can enjoy my time. But time really passes quickly, it's now 10 Nov, abt a month before she will return...looking fowards to it.

Chloe is 2

2006-11-02T23:30:00.000+08:00

Cant quite imagine. My youngest girlie turned 2 today. Can still recall when she was an infant. How we looked after her; well more like we took her for granted, hence her speaking development is slow. But today, she is no longer an infant but a toddler. She's quite sticky to me, and when I scolded her earlier for playing saliva, she actually faked crying...Tat's the sign...tat's why we are having No.4.

But well, my poor dar had to watch half a world away at us eating. Poor thing. Cant say that I understand how you feel, but I know you're down. I hope that the next 7 days pass quickly too, and we'll be on the flight to NY, NY. Just wait a little while more for us, ok?

A Parent's Anguish

2006-10-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

Just had a scolding session for big 2...and when Nigel apologised, leaving Claire, it's like I had to be firmer, so I took her out and demanded an answer from her; on whether she was right or wrong. Eventually she had to give in when I threatened to throw her out of the house. Well, I did not lose it completely and eventually got to explaining to her about her actions.

Is this a parent's anguish? I certainly felt it. On the one hand, I had to exert my authority, yet the back of my head was like thinking she's only 6, will she leave the house when she is in her teens? Her stubborness reminded me a lot of wifie (no this is not personal). It's just that she was young and so I had more control of the situation. But it really hurts inside in this session. How does a parent translate his/her love? It's like I want to give them all, but how do I show them I love them and want all that is good for them, yet mould their character. I want them to have convictions for what they believe in and yet conforming to be "good". Cant help but question what if I cant give them the attention and time. My biggest worry is my children ...and my wife after all....Only faith can show the way. Belief in God's plan.

Dreams

2006-10-20T20:59:00.000+08:00

Heard about the PHD dreams of my dar today. Well, I am all for it; I know that she has the aptitude and she is really cut for it. Just that 4 years in US would mean that we have to think carefully about the implications in terms of money and the kids. But I really would wish that she can fulfil it. Like I said to her, there would be a way, I'm sure. God would provide, maybe there is possibility for part-time or an Aust uni instead. Dar, live your dreams, know that I would support you. No, its not at my expense...It's my dream too.

Pat tor days...

2006-10-09T00:04:00.000+08:00

Just came back from the wedding dinner of my best man. Well, like he said, it was a long time coming that we returned the favour (since he was the one who initiated the meeting between me and my wife).

But it was their montage of their lovey-dovey days that brought back memories of me and my wife. Those carefree days, when all we knew were each other's existence, and how we kept each other company almost 24 hrs a day. I can still remember vividly the old plaza singapura, where we were on a date and how I had to excuse myself to do big business (so pai seh on 1 of our first few dates, but well I guess she got the hang of it). Then there was the quarrels while waiting for 131 at the Fullerton (then the old GPO), or how I almost got into an accident while being jealous of her male friends...so many memories in the years we spent together.

Indeed, the wedding was a 1-day event but the journey of the marriage is forever. I will be looking forwards to meeting her in NY in mid Nov...counting down

Wu Long

2006-10-02T22:33:00.000+08:00

And it should be my "wu longness" that caused my wife to miss my Claire's birthday celebration. Dont know how, but I allowed my anti virus programme to disable my lap top from accessing the internet. Strangely, I thought about it and realised that it was probably the anti virus only today. Ok...still can set the webcam to let my wife talk to claire tomoro.

Sorry dar, to make you wake up and fall sick. Was really worried about you when you told me so. Trust me to be so wu long. I hope that you are much better. But last night when I got to see you on the web cam with Shaun, made me feel warm. Taught me a lesson though. Here's the photos for you again...love

A fragile Life...

2006-09-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

Hearing what my wife said about how one of her classmates discovered that she had throat cancer while in the US pursuing her Masters just blew us away. It's like life is so fragile...leads you to wonder how sometimes you can plan for things, only to realise that life is so fragile, and how we should try to live our lives to the max, to enjoy what we have, and to be happy for what we have.

Thankfully, the Uni had strict medical requirements, otherwise she would never have known what hit her. Leads you to worry and feel afraid. But sometimes, we need to stay positive. Because there is nothing much we can do, other than to pray and believe. There is a plan, and its just that we dont know what it is...

Dar, sometimes we just have to trust the Lord. Sometimes there is no answer (not the reasonings that we expect anyways). But that does not mean we should just give up. We just have to learn to believe in him and pray that he will deliver us through and give strength.

Fortitude

2006-09-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

Listening to what my dar has to say about the newspaper article makes me sad. Sad that I am not there with her, sad that she is being discouraged for doing well.

To a certain extent, I feel helpless that I cant do anything much for her, less lending her a listening ear. If only I could be physically with her. And yet, I cant help but thank God for giving us Shaun. At least he can be my proxy to keep her company. And give her the support she so badly needs.

I think I know what she is feeling. The fact of not being appreciated for trying and doing what you do. Makes you feel like a lump of shit, asking yourself why you are doing it. Strange, this is what you get for wanting to do your best for the organisation. Or is it like what I wrote previously...this a means to strengthen us? I hope so. I've asked myself this question. If she is doing well, why should she make herself do badly, just to please people? We are taught to be sensitive and politically inclined so that we dont step on people's toes....but what the heck, at the expense of ourself? I think, as long as the conscience is clear and you have some support form the family, and for her 1 friend (I hope), that is enough. We should live for ourselves, and treat it as a lesson learnt...that you need to take care of yourself. If it pisses people, so be it.

The whole family is behind you. In all that you do. At the end of the day, if you are happy, we are happy... with and for you.

Confidence or Contentment

2006-09-09T00:41:00.000+08:00

Today, I had a little discussion with my wifie on confidence. She mentioned how living in the States has changed her life, making her understand the importance of confidence, and how she is going to be a "very different mother" when she is back, enrolling the kids in speech, drama classes and seeing the world. I had countered that I think contentment is important as well, since not everyone who runs the track wants to do it the same way.

Strangely, like I tell her, I think the change is good for her personality, because I really believe she is capable of bigger things. Of course, if the kids are capable of that as well, all the better. I know that I, for example, have an inclination (after my own experiences) for doing what makes me happy. I mean I like to think that I contribute to the organisation in whatever post I've been. And because life is full of challenges, especially when you least expect it, I would rather live for myself, as in doing what I want to do---aka contentment. Rather than clamour for more $$, more recognition, doing things better, I would rather do things because I want to do them.

Sure, I think we will have our differences. But as long as we agree to disagree, and we agree that we have the kids' interest at heart, I believe we can work things through. At least for me, I know how much absence works on me, and how it has made me evaluate my priorities in life. Confidence or contentment...if only life was so clear-cut.

bad day at work...questions of priority

2006-08-31T00:56:00.000+08:00

Had a shitty day at work (so what's new?). Sometimes, you wonder why you try so hard. Money? Satisfaction? Work ethics? To think that I have had so many ECAs thrown to me, making me lose my precious time with 3 little ones. And in return, you get scolded. I am not going to even say why, since so many factors are involved. It just makes me ponder of priorities in life. Alas! if only I could provide enough for the family, yet able to enjoy them for what they are.

I suppose sometimes, we need to be challenged. We need to be driven to the wall, so that we will learn to appreciate, so that we become stronger, so that we know what our priorities in life should be.

1/3 down, 2/3 more

2006-08-27T20:58:00.000+08:00

And so my dearest had returned back to school after her 1 week trip home. Seems so fast. Although we didnt get to travel or eat much, even the little time that we spend together was precious...only that it was unfortunate that the kids fell sick (and all of them) and my dearest really didnt take too well to the weather and was puking more than she did back in the States.

I was really worried about the plane trip back. Hearing that it was quite a smooth trip was really reassuring...although the walking back to the apartment at 230am did freak me out a little...trust her to do such things...

Dar, I know no matter what I say will not be able to reduce your stress much. I cant claim to understand how you feel exactly but I know it's really tough. I can only pray for you, and ask you to be strong. Count the days and try not to look to the end as yet. Its tough but dont pressure yourself thinking so much. At least you can look forwards to cleaner air, the autumn season and revel in some snow (and the cold...). It wil be sooner than you think when I visit you in Oct. I'm telling myself to look forwards to that as well. I just hope that the package that I sent can pass through unscathed, then at least you have some foodstuff to enjoy as well.

As always, I just want to tell you that you have already achieve more than what you expected. It is really something that you have done in the past 2 months: surviving on your own, doing yourself proud in your presentation and learning more about yourself, your identity and your feelings for the family. I am sure that you will be able to look back at this memory with much pride and the memories and experience will make you a better, stronger person!

Loneliness

2006-08-13T23:25:00.000+08:00

As i was driving today after dropping off the kids and buying stuff for my wife, the loneliness attack struck. Well, it has been like this...esp when I am driving alone and 933's love songs are on air. It's like I've lost a part of me, and nothing seems to interest me. I mean work is work, and for me, Work is never THE thing. Call me bo chap or chai, but even when I am doing things I am interested, I am like that.

If i feel lost, I bet my wife would be even more so. At least I have the kids with me to occupy me. It's strange sometimes, when she is around, its like there is hardly time, after deducting it for work, kids, her (and shopping) etc.. But now, I find I do have time, which is why I can put in like 1 golf practise a week. But it's an undescribeable feeling. I may have time, but there is no interest. Guess that's what it means by "absence makes the heart grow fonder".

I'm waiting for her return. Also worried about No.4. Just hope that everything will be alright.

Thoughts after 33

2006-08-05T23:12:00.000+08:00

So I turned 33 yesterday, and was busy at work and sending off guests. Well, but I had a fantabuluous golf cake, courtesy of my wife. And we had a really different celebration this time. Though Dar was on the other side of the world, she felt right at home...all thanks to new technology..

Was at the Novena today before picking up the last guest from the hotel. Strange to hear the priest talking about married couples and how to keep it going. Dar, u're going to be surprised to hear this, but it was about how couples should have sex to keep the relationship alive...

But on reflection, I was like thinking how long ago was it that I had "stopped my favourite activity". Now that you are on the other side of the world, looking at you seems to have a new meaning. But well, guess being apart does bring greater reflection and understanding...

Glad to hear tat you have found a nice golf place. Have fun while u still can. I'm sorry that you will have to keep off it for a good nine months after the 1st trimester, but we'll get going once you are able to....

33rd surprise

2006-08-02T23:06:00.000+08:00

Suffice to say, things were a little unexpected today. I should have guessed when my wife called to ask me to be home to webcam. Dar, you and yr mischievous idea...And I should drive home to meet Shawn...and the surprise package.

It's really amazing isnt it? Although we are physically apart, we can still give each other surprises. Thanks for yr thoughtfulness! I am happy that I would not have to buy something for myself by myself..ha ha. Dar, even though I will be busy on my own BD, I am glad to know that underneath the same stars, you are still there. I just hope that you will take good care of yourself, and No.4. I pray that God will grant you the peace, fortitude and perseverance, in a faraway land, carrying our 4th bundle, studying... You are amazing and I have mentioned this a few times already. Take good care, and I will wait for you to be back in 3 weeks time, and then we can go have a feast...

how life can play tricks

2006-07-29T13:46:00.000+08:00

Just mid last week, I was dreading over what seems like a helpless situation. Over the course of a few days, things seem to have changed. I guess the important thing for me to know is that she can cope. How strange, but the words "the road to heaven is not the smooth straight path", seems to hold true again.

Am glad that she has persevered...with God's grace.Just hope that everything will stay this way. Other fortunate thing was that she received the parcels I sent and the "consoling" email frm the dean. I hope that no.4 is really the gift that we are waiting for.

Things have been busy for me, and I was grumbling that I was under-utlised again. Looks like its going to be busy days ahead...

If I could turn back the clock

2006-07-26T20:29:00.000+08:00

Sad to hear about the state of my wife. Wish there is something more that I can do. But what can I do? Sometimes, I want to tell her, but I dont want her to feel pressurized. And I certainly dont want her to think that I am telling her what to do. As it is, I am already not there by her side...

As I look back, only if I could turn back the clock. And this path we have chosen is not going to be easy. I can only pray that it does not get too difficult, and that hopefully, the Lord can let the difficult period pass.

Roller coaster

2006-07-22T21:53:00.000+08:00

Just last week, it was traumatic as to the decision to be made. WE cried over it and at the end of the weekend, we had no resolution. Imagine when the decision was made to keep. I supposed it was a relief in a sense, since we were both in higher spirits and could eat and sleep well...until this week. Imagine that there is now a realisation that the tough phase will be coming and she will be all alone. I can see how she will be suffering and to study and cope in a faraway place no less. It really takes courage and faith. I dont know, and there is nothing I can do....And the winter is going to be trying to say the least, with the physical impairment.

Watching her and sensing her helplessness. I know the doubts are going to come soon. How? Maybe I should be selfish and tell her not to...I wonder how the next week will be.

3 days apart

2006-07-14T19:39:00.000+08:00

It has been 3 days since I returned from New York. 3 days also that I have been apart from my dearest. Seems strange that we are now physically apart and talking via msn and email....but thankfully we can still rely on the webcam and computer to share our thoughts.

I am sure the time is passing slower for her than for me, and yet I can only wait for her return in end Aug and then its another 3 months....